Joke : It's not what you say, but the way you say it
1. "Get this." said the bloke to his mates, "Last night while I was down the pub with you guys, a burglar broke into my house." Did he get anything." his mates asked. "yeah, a broken jaw and six teeth knocked out. The wife thought it was me coming home drunk."
2. It's not what you say, but the way you say it. On a blind date, the boy said to the girl: "Time stands still when I look into your eyes." The girl was very flattered. What the boy had really meant was, "You have a face that would stop a clock."